Buhtt sex?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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