i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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