i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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