I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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