I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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