Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
