Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
