Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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