so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
