I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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