I am spending my child support on dildos
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
