her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
