its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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