now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just forgot I was standing up.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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