Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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