what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
