dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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