I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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