I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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