remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
