This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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