no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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