you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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