My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
