I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
