your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
