the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
