I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
