Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
