I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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