I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
