she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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