I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
