A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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