We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
