so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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