Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
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