we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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