I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
