So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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