Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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