I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
