we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
