Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
