Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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