I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
