i just wanna soil my oats bro
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
