I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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