I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
