Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
