She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
