Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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