remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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