Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
