I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
