Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
