will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
