picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
