Apparently you make a good broom.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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