remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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