This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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