You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
