there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
