I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
