Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
