i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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