moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We're too hungover to prance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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