I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
