Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize