Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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