sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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