i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
