quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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