dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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