Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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