I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
