grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
