Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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